Bug Vanquisher

2 May 2008

Male vs. Female

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 12:30 AM
[Notice: If you are not male, proceed with caution.]

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

1 May 2008

Storm or Strom?

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 11:23 PM

EarthStorm’s (probably a sucky movie because I don’t like William Baldwin) name is written EarthStrom on HBO. :)

P.S. I should add "sarcastic" to the categories, soon. :) :)

30 April 2008

Threat Levels

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 6:03 PM

[Disclaimer: No intended offense to any English, French, Italian, German, Belgian, Spanish or Aussie reader who happens to come across this post.]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Australian’s level has increased from "What the f#ck?" to "Who the f#ck?". The next level for Australia will be "Well, f#ck me" all the way up to "Enough is a f#ckin nuff".

7 April 2008

Who Says Harry Potter Is Worse?

Filed under: Funnier, Rant vs Vent — Tanveer Badar @ 12:52 AM

There are thing far, far more worst than Harry Potter in the mortal world, mere mortals.

I am talking about ‘The Davinci Code’. If Harry Potter movies were off the plot, The Davinci Code seems like the producer(s) and director(s) never read the wretched novel themselves.

By the looks, they had just the remotest idea of what was supposed to be in the novel and how they should produce the movie, which they then off shored to some sit-together, under-paid, road-killed Indian company. I half expected some cheap song to spring to front at the end.

Thank God I only spent 15 minutes watching the twisted end game. It is much better than the 90 minutes spent on ‘Jarhead’, where I couldn’t decide the entire time whether I should continue watching it or not. That was the first for me in living history where I didn’t make up my mind this long.

3 February 2008

Oh! I Just Noticed, "My Eyes Are Brown"

Filed under: Funnier, Personal, Rant vs Vent — Tanveer Badar @ 2:25 AM

If your not down with brown you dont live in my town
soon theyll own us
I can honestly say I am a racist, always have been always will be, Its part of the human condition, all we can do is work everday on getting a liitle better.
our outward actions may always be honurable but our minds betray us

These are not my words, rather uttered to me.

A little conversation on skype I was having two hours ago, with a US resident, immigrant from Latin America.

I doubt about myself whether the feeling would be mutual or not.

[Nitpickers corner]

There might be two mistakes in this, I’ll correct them in due time. [:)]

2 February 2008

Best Spam Ever

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 11:52 PM

This is the best piece of spam I ever got.


You’re invited to:
2008 JOB EMPLOYMENTS IN OMNI MONT ROYAL HOTEL CANADA

By your host:
Paul Gill

Message:
The management of Omni city Hotel in Montreal Canada wishes to advertise through this medium for the Following Job Vacancy in our Hotel. Due to the expansion in our services and the opening of new outlets the hotel needs both men and female’s workers to fill in different categories of job openings. The Hotel management will take care of his/her flight ticket, accommodation, and will also exercise on your visa, if your are interested contact us; omnicity_hotel_canada22@yahoo.ca

Date:
Sunday January 27, 2008

Time:
2:00 pm – 3:00 pm  (GMT +00:00)

Will you attend?
RSVP to this invitation

Copyright © 2008  Yahoo! Inc. All Rights Reserved | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy


By all means, if you are interested, contact them in the next few hours. But I would like to see little more consistency like:

A hotel which "will take care of his/her flight ticket, accommodation, and will also exercise on your visa" does not have their own domain.

27 January 2008

Yahoo is SO Much Fun!

Filed under: Bugz, Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 8:21 PM

image

Latest version of Firefox is considered "rare" by Yahoo. Yes "rare" indeed, but the most conformant to web standards of all others out there!

May I point out that new version of Yahoo Mail does not work in FF 3 Beta 2 either, because they try to move nodes from one document to other through whatever arcane non standard method. This should be attempted through importNode or adaptNode.

image

13 January 2008

Screwed!

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 3:13 PM

My Windows Vista installation, nothing personal. He he he…

I finally managed to get a no boot configuration after repeatedly trying to install Windows Vista SP1 RC refresh (yes, that’s the official name). Finally, after wasting 90 minutes and constantly staring at "Reverting changes", I hit the reset button and it does not boot anymore.

19 December 2007

Minus Zero Really Matters!

Filed under: Bugz, Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 3:29 AM

Don’t believe me? Have a look at this.

6 December 2007

Read One, Get One Free

Filed under: Funnier — Tanveer Badar @ 12:59 AM

image 

image

These two just inned from Microsoft, upon registering my express editions of VCS and VC++, but not in readable format.

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